Thursday, January 20, 2011

Honestly

  We were in a reoccurring argument last night that always starts the same way.  He is going along being the daddy he knows how to be and to me that isn't good enough.  I expect more.  I can't say whether I am expecting too much or not because I have nothing to compare it to but I guess I expect him to be...like me.  I expect that after hours separated from his tiny that he will busting to cover him in kisses and squeezes.  But, he is subtle. 

He grins at our boy when he walks in the door and, oh boy, you should see the lit up baby grinnin face he gets in return.  He walks over and throws him in the air...always expecting a dose of B giggles first thing and if he doesn't deliver then daddy looks to me with a worried "what's wrong?"  I usually respond with a shrug and an eyeroll because I have listened to him cry all day long and just figured it out on my own.  His eyebrows stay furrowed together until he has some solution to what could be bothering his little son.  It is usually, based on timing, an issue of hunger.  I tell him that he needs to eat,  He asks "what's he eating?"   I usually snap back with "something form the top of the fridge" expecting him to choose what I would and when he inevitably chooses a fruit or veggie that doesn't appropriately match the main course, I jump in to "fix" this mistake.  He feeds him until Silas becomes disinterested and then says "I think he is done."  Then I, of course, step in to finish the job, forcing a few more bites to prove that he was not, in fact, done but it was okay because I fixed it.  I then ask the inevitable question "will you give him a bath?"  Now, I always know the answer to the question because he has only given him 2 baths since his birth.  He is terrified of the incorrect bath temp.  I know this but it gives me another opportunity to loudly sigh and "save the day".  But in all honesty I just love bath time because it is very clearly Silas's favorite time of the day.  Daddy gets drying, lotioning, and dressing duty, which involves a lot of squirming and screaming and I hate it!

So I think I am painting the picture of how things are right now.  Needless to say that things are strained with us when this is the climate of every evening.  But I am writing this so that I will hold myself accountable for my behavior and hopefully change it.  But most of all, I want to say Daddy (my sister asked the other day if having a baby really makes you call each other mommy and daddy and for us the answer is most of the time), It's not you, it's me.  I have become a psycho controlling mommy but I am working on it.  I love and CARE about you but it's hard to love 2 people as much as I do when I was only practiced at loving just the one you before.  I am capable of spreading the love and from today on I will show you that. 

For the others out there, please tell me I am not alone in my momma psychosis because then I would just feel like a total joke for being so honest about all of this.  Share with me something that you do that you would like to change to ease things in your family.

4 comments:

  1. You are NOT alone! John has given 1 bath in 15 months, has only fed him maybe a handful of times and NEVER puts the baby to bed. He is a loving daddy but on his own terms. Sometimes I interfere anyway because I "think" i do it better. It is easy to get frustrated when you take care of things 90% of the time, but remember that daddys do try and they mean well but are wired differently than mommies.

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  2. Table for two here! Where do I even start on this one...

    So, our problem is that Alex comes home from work and wants to eat immediately. I do my best to have food ready. If it's not, he starts snacking which pisses the daylights out of me. Anyway, we will all eat together. He will stuff his face before he takes time to help Anna eat. I'm usually left getting Anna going before I can eat. It makes me mad because I see it as selfish. In reality, Alex is just really hungry because he's been working hard. It still pisses me off. We get stuff cleaned up. I will say that he went through a phase where dinner was over and he'd make some excuse to leave and stick me with food clean up and Anna clean up. I chewed him up over that one, so he's better now. After everything is cleaned up, we head into the living room so Anna can play a while before bedtime. This is where it gets ugly. Alex insists on sitting on his ass watching TV instead of interacting with Anna. I'll ask him to get on the floor to play. If he does, he just sits there eyes glued to the TV, while Anna climbs on him. He doesn't talk to her doesn't play. It drives me crazy. In my mind, if he hasn't seen her all day, he should want to spend some time with her. In his mind, he wants to relax after a long day. We fight about this several times a week.

    I get frustrated with Alex because I do things one way and he does them the wrong way. I mean, his way. I've had to learn that his way is good too. (unless it's about him ignoring Anna - then he just sucks) Actually, it's good for the baby to see how mommy and daddy interact differently with them. It gives them a variety of stimulation, which is good.

    Having a baby is hard on a marriage. In time, we will all figure out our roles and learn to accept the guys, even if they are way off base...

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  3. Hah...looks like I am not alone on this one. I so want to be that wife and mom who is laidback and just lets things fall where they may...but I am not. I want Wade to not just do something but to WANT to do something when in reality I don't want to do it either. I guess thr second choice would just to not want to do it and do it anyway. My biggest trick (this might work for you both of you too) is to give an either/or option. I will say would you rather give Silas his bath or wash dishes or would you rather scoop the cat litter or pick up the toys. I can usually work things in my favor because I will offer him something that I know he won't do with something that I really don't want to do and we both end up happy-ish. Thatnks, ladies for making me feel a little less nutty.

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  4. Sounds like you have a good plan in place! I will need to use rhat method!

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