Friday, January 14, 2011

Stream of Consciousness Kind of Week

I have struggled with controlling my own thoughts this week which has made it hard to wrangle in any kind of meaningful blog.  This rambling will be my best effort.  I am really having all of these nagging thoughts about what I want to do with my life.  I realize that my B is only 9 months old but I am already thinking about the fact that he will eventually be going to school and just growing up and that will be my entire life being dropped off with a lunchbox and some cartoon-themed backpack.  I gotta figure out what my life is separate from him before I am so far gone that I have nothing of myself left.  All of this soul-searching feels so Adolescent and Perks of Being a Wallflowerish but it feels like that same lost kind of fear that I felt as I was leaving high school except I don't have the freedom of exploration that I did then.  I am locked into life and am generally happy with where I am but more just fearful about where I am going.  I really feel strongly about wanting to go back to school and finish a degree but I feel even stronger that I don't want to leave my Tiny and future Tinies until I am ready.  I think that all I can do is deal with this stuff as it comes up.

In the meantime, my boy has been so sick.  He had a double ear infection that has cleared up with amoxicillin but then his cough got scary so I took him back to the Dr, and he hast to take breathing treatments because he has spasms in his bronchi's.  I am just praying that it doesn't turn out to be something chronic.  I knew that having a preemie meant that he would be at risk for respiratory issues but it is scary when we are actually dealing with the real life stuff.  The silver lining to all of this is that the breathing treatments have a strange effect on my rambunctious munchkin.  I start the machine and he goes from Tasmanian devil to catatonic in seconds.  It is glorious because it is difficult to get that boy to sit still for even a second the rest of the day.

I think that we have found the house that we want to rent.  It is a 2 bedroom in Jackson and it looks to be in good shape.  I have prayed and prayed for a place to come along with everything that we were looking for but that is tough when you are renting.  But this place seems to have everything.  There is 2 bedrooms, a dishwasher, laundry room, huge yard, carport and they will let us keep our kitties.  There is also a dining room in the front near the living room and kitchen that I think we will use as an office so that we can have plenty of space in our bedroom and my boy can finally have his own room.  I can't wait to finally decorate a nursery.  Sure, the nursery will be for an almost one year old but it still counts.  The property will be ready for showing mid-February which works for us (we are waiting for our tax refund) and barring any dead bodies we will apply for it.  I can't wait!

Some cute pictures from our week:

A look at what twins would look like

Silas, You are like your father (in my best Darth Vader voice)

Playing at the library- he loves it there!


  1. Love the pictures!!! Those jammies are adorable!! I haven't been to the library since they remodeled, but I heard it's fabulous! Great actiivity!!

    Take some time to figure out what you'd like to do. It doesn't have to be decided tomorrow! If you wanted to start taking classes maybe look for a night class? I take 2 classes a week in the evenings. It's hard to leave Anna but the adult time is nice.

  2. I believe every mom has some kind of internal struggle. I battle everyday with my thoughts about returning to work so many pros and cons of both. We just have to try not to stress and let life dictate its course. Cute pictures!

  3. Thanks, Ladies. I think that some days the lack of conversation just leads to me internalizing all of worries and it just grows. This blog is definitely good for my mental health because it forces me to put it out in the universe instead of keeping it all spinning around my head. :)