Thursday, January 27, 2011

Turnaround

I am finally seeing improvement in my outlook and it is great.  I don't know if it is  the prospect of getting our beautiful knew home in just a couple of weeks (thanks to a fatty tax refund) or the higher dosage of antidepressant that I was finally able to get but today I was happy.  My doctor said that whenever we worked on the biology end of things that everything else would just feel better and he was right.  The best part is that because of it I have been a better momma.  I am ashamed to say that for months I have not really just enjoyed Silas like I would want to.  As soon as he would fall asleep for a nap I would sack him into his bed so that I could do my own thing.  The past two days I have just held and rocked him for a long time watching him sleep.  I won't be doing this all of the time lest expect it to be a given but it was nice to feel such a light and peaceful feeling that I haven't felt since before I was pregnant.  I am just finally feeling content.  Today I felt like motherhood fit on me- not to say there won't be bunching or sagging now and then but the overall feeling is amazing.

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