Thursday, March 31, 2011

A blog I follow

I have been reading this cool blog about a neat family who is uber-creative and awesome.  I am hoping to score some awesome stuff in a birthday it out.


I woke in the middle of the night a couple nights ago to see Wade walking across our room with our littlest cat Kacie.  I figured she was being naughty and was getting evicted from our room until he got to the door and kept going all the way in to Silas's room.  Well, going in to a sleeping baby's room is a major no-non so I was super confused.  He came walking back to our room without Kacie.  He had left her in the baby's room.  I asked him why he did that.  He looked around and was like I don't know, I think I was sleeping.  I was like where did you put her?  He strongly responded I don't know, I was asleep.  I started cracking up because I guarantee that he thought he was carrying Silas and put the cat in the crib.  Silas never woke up so I guess he was happy to have a furry buddy.

Surprise, Surprise...Remix.

Silas and I have gotten into the habit of taking a short morning drive most everyday because this is the easiest most relaxing way to slide into nap time without a fight.  Well, on Monday I went to sit in my seat and there was an unlabeled CD laying in it and I didn't have any idea what it was so I slid it in the player.  Out came some beautiful romantic songs.  Wade had made me a Mix.  I was blown away.  It is no secret to anyone who has kids that, while wonderful, they can take a giant toll on your marriage.  Add in money issues, a crappy job for him, and just daily stresses and things get harder to keep together.  This sweet sentiment did so much to give me confidence that our marriage is still there underneath all of the other stuff.

Surprise, Surpise

So, on Monday Silas and I met some buddies for a pretty chilly walk at the park but we loved the sunshine.  Well, I pulled him out of his car seat (aka his worst nightmare) and started to put him into his stroller (aka his next to worst nightmare) and looked down to see a pretty sizable brown streak up his back.  "Oh, no" I said in my head and then out loud.  I took the peak to see what I was dealing with and was confused.  There were a few little blue flecks at the top of his diaper and I realized that it was just a melted M&M.  Whew...walk day moved along.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Late night...?

I am sitting here in a quiet house, both of my boys are in bed snoozing.  It feels like a middle of the night insomniac situation but it's actually only...9:49 pm.  I think the quiet of it all added to my complete and total exhaustion just makes it feel like one of those I am too tired to sleep kind of nights.  I am stressed because Wade seems just totally stressed and I don't know what to do for him.  I have been able to really transform things in my life to make things a lot happier and I want the same for him.  I am just really hoping that some job offers start pouring his way and that if he gets a new job that it will be enough.  My greatest fear for him is that no matter what, he will not find the contentment that he is looking for.  I hope I am wrong about that. 

We are going to church tomorrow.  This is always an intimidating prospect for me anymore because I have become hard to please in this area.  I want to hear a positive message and be surrounded by loving people who make me feel welcome but not be phony and over the top.  I like a big church but I also want someone to know my name.  I want to find common ground. 

I think I have found a couple of honest to goodness friends in my mommy group.  It has been really hard to explain what being a stay-at-home mom has felt like.  The closest that I can get is feeling like I am on another planet that no one else can inhabit.  No one can breathe the air or speak the language.  Except now I have found some fellow inhabitants.  It's not even just that we are moms but some actual commonality.  Shared hobbies and similar tastes.  It's great.  I have never been good at making friends.  I am not trusting of others and have always feared that I was just the butt of everyone else's joke.  I don't want to be a punchline.  While that is still true, I am more confident now and more willing to take a chance on people.

We have Silas's first friend party tomorrow and I am afraid that all of my emotions about his upcoming 1st birthday party will bubble to the surface but I will ty to make it about little Clayton.  I am also excited because I will be informally photographing the party so that will be fun and help me to focus on that party rather than the one that I am so dreading.

It's now 10:02 PM and I am going to try to and get to bed since little Binks will be up in an hour.  Yeah, my so-close-to being a one-year-old still wakes up a couple times a night for a bottle.  I can live with that.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Dear God,

Do you think that God reads my blogs?  I don't see heaven highlighted in orange on my stats map but I am still going to assume he will see this at some point and I have some things to tell him.

Dear God,
Thank you for the blessings that you continue to pour on me.  Seriously, I don't say this generically but with true sincerity.  Look at the amazing man that you chose just for me to spend the rest of my life.  And my baby boy,  of all the babies you gave me the one that is just perfect for me.  You have continued to send friends my way and baby friends for Silas.  I appreciate that you are carving away at our lives like a sculptor, slowly adding to the perfection of the artistry that is our lives.  I will continue to have faith through the struggles, knowing that you have a plan for us and that everything will work out for us.  Once again, thank you.

Love from your daughter,


Wednesday, March 23, 2011

My Village

They say that it takes a village to raise a child and I am only just now subscribing to that theory.  When I was pregnant I just knew that it would be me and Wade and that was it but I realize that was unfair to Silas.  Why shouldn't he absorb all the love that he can get.  My village is comprised of more people that I even thought possible.  There are of course his grandparents and aunts and uncles but also our little playgroup has proven to uhaul in some new residents.  It is hard to put into words how great it has been to have an amazing group of mommies and babies for Silas and I to hang with.  It has driven the lonely days and baby blues away to have people to talk to that understand.  I love to watch Silas interact with the other babies and I know that this socialization will help him so much in the future.  So to my village, I thank you for making us complete.

Some of the villagers

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Oh, Saturday

Silas spent the night with his Gram on Friday night and his Dadadada played cards so I had the house to myself.  While wonderful, it was also unsettling.  I kept feeling like I needed to be listening for a waking baby so I never could really relax.  I read though and went to bed around, sleeping straight through until 6.  I managed to get most of the rest of his 1st b-day supplies, got all of the invites done, his pictures ordered and then when he came home we started a little family day.  We went to eat at pasta house.  The kid loves restaurants because he gets lots of attention and he is too skinny for the straps in the high chairs to be effective so he spends half of the meal standing.  It is just so relaxing. We took him to the library to see the clowns from the Barnum and Bailey circus.  I have to say that it was pretty amusing.  Silas wasn't scared but also wasn't that into it either.  Anyway, it was a pretty low key day with plenty of time spent together.  Oh, he also brushed his two tiny teeth for the first time and it was adorable!

He picked out his own toothbrush.  It is blue with little animals on it.

He loved the "Mild Fruit" flavored toothpaste

He was very serious about his toothbrushing work.

His clown nose from the clowns.

We were inspired by the clowns, I guess.  i wanted to take another one without the flash but daddy has old bones and couldn't stoop down any longer.

Friday, March 18, 2011

simple fun

I have been watching Silas's nearly completely deflated balloon bob around the house in the wind flowing through open windows.  I love it.


In a kind of stark opposite to my previous post of sunshine and park dates is this one that I have been thinking about more in the past couple of weeks.  I have realized from the time that I was pregnant that any fear that I had before is magnified now that I have a child.  My worst fears are even worse now because they could affect my child.  The events that have taken place in Japan have nearly paralyzed me several times.  One day early this week I had to call Wade at work.  Silas was napping and I had the news on in the background and the were showing footage from Japan and I couldn't breathe.  Wade managed to talk me out of a full blown panic attack but it scared me to be that scared.  I am sad for those in Japan but mostly I just keep thinking about how I can keep my son safe from all that can go wrong.  So, while having a baby makes life so much brighter it can also make the darkest time even dimmer.


I am constantly in wonder of the fact that being a mom is making me experience life more fully because I am so wanting him to experience all that there is.  Yesterday we met some friends (babies and mommas) at the park for some fun.  We sat there watching the ducks and geese for nearly an hour.  I can't remember the last time that I have done that.  Last night I was sitting there and my face had this tingly stinging going on for some reason.  I went and looked in the mirror and realized that my face was the slightest bit sunburned.  I was actually excited.  I can't remember the last time that I had a sunburn.  I know that is sad but I was just never one to go outside and enjoy a sunny day but now I experience a sunny day along with my boy (and his buds) and it is so much more exciting and enjoyable. 

Silas and Peyton

I swear one of Silas's buds, Peyton, absolutely cracks me up.  We were sitting in the grass, the babies trying to eat the dirt and the mommas trying to keep the babies from eating dirt, and every time the wind would gust Peyton would do a little dance and just laugh and laugh then we would all laugh.  Honestly how amazing is it that four individuals could get so much enjoyment out of the wind.  I love it all so much.


I have been a negligent blogger lately but that is only because I have had the pleasure of doing some living and haven't had time to write about it.  Having a car all to myself has done wonders for my life.  It is amazing how much I love being able to do the simple things, like running to the grocery store, without it being a daylong commitment of driving Wade back and forth for work. 

Everything in our new house is going mostly smoothly.  We had to replace a window pane in our bedroom because apparently you shouldn't brace your hand right on the glass to push it up, especially if that glass is already cracked.  We also have ants out the wazoo and I have been trying the sprays and traps but I think we need  a professional to take care of them.

Silas has learned to walk but hates doing it so he only takes a few steps if we force him to.  He is really starting to make some buddies in our playgroup and so am I.  We even had a mom's night out a couple nights ago and met up for pedicures and conversation without the kiddos.  It was amazing because I have struggled with holding on to friends because not many people understand my lifestyle as a stay at home mom but these ladies share my life and understand it.  I loved talking to women who I had something in common with.  It's not just about the kids but the mentality of women who stay at home all day with their babies.  We all have a crazy kind of sense of humor.

I am super excited because if everything goes according to plan that I will get to watch my baby niece for the first few months when she is born.  Her momma will be with her for several weeks and then me until the 6 month mark and then her daddy full time.  Little Genevieve will know so much love and I can't wait to meet her.

Grandma is keeping my boy tonight so I plan on chilling with my sister (in-law in-law) tonight and watching movies and then sleeping late in the morning.  We are taking Silas to see some clowns at the library tomorrow.  Wade and I are terrified but hopefully the babe will like it.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Photo shoot

So, I had really wanted to shell out hundreds of dollars to take Silas to an amazing portrait studio for his one year old pictures but I have a real problem spending that much dough on anything.  The more I thought about it the more I realized that I had a certain idea in mind when it came to the type of photos that I wanted and my super controlling personality always leads to disappointment when I get my pics back from professional studios.  I have also really gotten back into my love of photography and editing of those photos (I started using and I love it).  All of these reasons lead me to convince myself that I would be the one to take his photos along with Daddy as the photo assistant.  We not only had a fun family outing to the park in the gorgeous weather but I also got some photos that I am in love with.  I have to say that it is also amazing for my confidence level to have done something (that isn't mothering or wifing) that I am really proud of.  I don't have professional aspirations surrounding photography but I just really love capturing the world, especially people, in the way that I see them.  It is all about the ever-important preservation of memories.  Anyway here are some of the shots that I love the most.

So proud of his Dino
My Balloon
Fire Hydrant
This one turns my insides to mush
Daddy took this one and I edited the crap out of it...I drool over sepia.  I want to have babies with Sepia.  Love.
Daddy assisting in the pant cuffing

Thursday, March 10, 2011

What I miss...

There are a few things that I have noticed that I have come to miss since having a baby.  Some of them are the sleeping and alone time but others are things that I didn't know that I would need to prepare myself to give up like:

1.  Eating my own plate of food.  Everything that I place before me has become community property.  Heck, maybe he is just helping me cut calories but it is so not relaxing to sit down to a meal and have to find ways to pick off little bird bites so that they are baby edible.  He doesn't understand "no, you can't have a hot wing" so you have to find some way to appease him.  I think that a lot of it is the relaxation involved with having dinner.  Most of the day I am shoving a sandwich and a handful of M&Ms down my throat in between feeding, changing, cleaning and if I have the privilege of a real meal then I want to enjoy it.

2.  Reading.  I used to read many books a week and I now I am lucky to get in a few pages.  It 's not just that I am busy but by the end of the day when I may have some peace and quiet then I am so tired that the book usually ends up in my lap as I doze off without even realizing it.

3.  Movies with subtitles.  I am a sucker for any foreign movies.  This makes me seem a bit elitist but the truth is that they don't have to be good movies.  I just like a different perspective on the world and foreign movies provide this.  I also like how they all have a different tone to then based on the lighting and I like trying to match up their vocalizations with the recognizable words across the bottom of the screen.  It makes me feel like I am learning something, even if it is just a guessing game.  But being a momma requires you to be doing at least 2-3 things all the time and you can't absent-mindedly listen to the dialogue if subtitles are required.  I have been trying to get through "The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest" for 3 weeks but I will get distracted and look back at the screen and have no idea what is going on.  Even now, it sits paused on netflix, beckoning for me to forget about the laundry and let this blog post go one more day and take advantage of binksy's nap time.

The Girl Who Kicked the Hornets' Nest Poster
I am trying to get to you, Lisbeth!

These are the big things I am missing right now.  What have you noticed has gone missing from your life from before baby?

Sunday, March 6, 2011


Those super patriotic folks to shout "freedom isn't free"...I suppose not, but I got mine for twelve hundred bucks and that ain't bad.  You remember that feeling the first time you climb into your car by yourself? Freshly licensed, you check your mirror, buckle your seatbelt and...proceed to test the limits of your factory speakers by blaring the music to a pounding level.  Even better, if the weather supported the rolling down of the window.  Well, I got to relive that feeling yesterday.  We paid for our '92 Corolla and I climbed in and turned up the radio.  I was alone in my own car and it was awesome.  I am not going to lie there was dancing and singing and perhaps attempts at rapping.  I know that the biggest benefit of having this 2nd vehicle will the fact that I can live my everyday life with more ease and participate in more child-friendly activities but in that moment it was all about the wind in my hair.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

First step

Yep, it was probably a fluke and I am pretty sure that he stumbled into it and maybe didn't even realize that he did it but he took one whole step.  I am so proud of my little almost-toddler...that doesn't have to be such a bad word, does it ?