In a kind of stark opposite to my previous post of sunshine and park dates is this one that I have been thinking about more in the past couple of weeks. I have realized from the time that I was pregnant that any fear that I had before is magnified now that I have a child. My worst fears are even worse now because they could affect my child. The events that have taken place in Japan have nearly paralyzed me several times. One day early this week I had to call Wade at work. Silas was napping and I had the news on in the background and the were showing footage from Japan and I couldn't breathe. Wade managed to talk me out of a full blown panic attack but it scared me to be that scared. I am sad for those in Japan but mostly I just keep thinking about how I can keep my son safe from all that can go wrong. So, while having a baby makes life so much brighter it can also make the darkest time even dimmer.