Monday, August 13, 2012

My Dilemma

When I start to brag about how smart Silas is, I feel bad because I feel like I am trying to rub it in people's faces that my kid is a genius.  Sometimes, I am, but that is not what this post is about.  This is about my genuine lack of not knowing what to do next. 

When I go to search for projects or ideas for activities for Si, I always find that the things that are categorized for toddlers are way too simple for what he is able to do but the things that are classified for preschoolers are beyond the realm of things we have done before.  My question is:  When trying new things, if he doesn't pick it up quickly, how do I know if it's because he just needs more practice or if it's something he is just too young or immature to grasp?  I always want to push him in what he is capable of doing but I don't want to frustrate him or myself by having expectations that can't be met.

Any feedback or advice?

Friday, August 10, 2012

Opportunities for Learning

I am learning more and more that formal teaching setting do not work for a 2 year old, or at least my 2 year old.  He can be coaxed in to reciting alphabet letters from the front of a flash card but he would rather read the "P, S, O, T" from the front of a faded stop sign while running down the asphalt path at the park.  Standing directly beneath it, with his head thrown as far back as his neck will allow, announcing "Momma, Si's S".  Oh yes, the biggest teaching tool I stumbled upon when we began the journey to learning the alphabet was assigning letters to people and things that he cared for.  When learning the W, which was the first letter that I taught him, I had casually pointed to the magnetized letters on the board at the library and declared that it was Daddy's letter, W.  He gradually learned to pick it out from all the others as daddy's letter, then began to give it a title.  He started by calling it a double-daddy and now he has no problem pronouncing the double-u but usually tags on an explanation about who this letter still belongs to.  We went through many of the letters like this; Momma's K, Nay's (Miss Renee from the library) R, Peyton's P, Achelle's (Michelle) M and so on. 

I have tried drilling counting in him but found it hard to get him to focus but what he can do for hours on end is play hide and seek.  So we took advantage of that by instructing to count to 5 and then look for us and then building on it so that he now rushes through a count to 10 but never skips a number.  He does tend to space his tiny fingers apart when he hides his eyes or stacks the game in his favor by guiding you where to hide.  Poor daddy has spent large portions of his day in the dark and hot closet lately but never fails to feign a surprised disappointment when Silas finds him every time.

Si will also practice most any skill if it's called a game.  I now only approach him with the excited declaration of a new game rather than explaining that we will be practicing a new skill.  He likes for Wade and I to sit on the floor right next to him and just play with him.  I have to admit that this is sometimes boring and a bit tedious for me but when I see him picking up a new skill and he looks at me with pride in himself I just can't help but have fun with him. 

Thursday, August 9, 2012

I'm Back!

So, I'm back, I think.  I have been going back and forth on the blogging issue for awhile.  I had a really busy year this past year, raising Silas and caring for my niece but I am moving forward in a new direction now.  I miss Genna so much but at least I know that I can still enjoy her as my niece!

 All of that being said, I have been throwing myself in to working on educating Silas to the best of my ability.  I think that this will be the direction that my blog takes because I would love to have a way to document our projects and also his progress over time and I hope that I can somehow help other moms who have the same desires to educate their children.. I can say that while I have not spent time blogging my own writing but I really threw myself in to reading the blogs of others who are parenting, homeschooling, and just enjoying their children and have been very inspired to go full force in the way that God is guiding me to guide my son.  I feel in my heart that Wade and I are fully responsible for sharing the world with Silas and he is, thankfully, very smart and open to learning all that he can.

 Last night I was looking back through his NICU pictures and praising and thanking God for bringing Silas so far.  He was so small and helpless and he has grown to be so sweet and kind and beyond anything that I could have imagined.  I am so glad that God called me to be his mother and that he continues to show me the way in raising him.  It is honestly my desire to someday home school him but Wade and I are split on this issue so I have accepted that we need to pray about it and not plan so far ahead of time so in the meantime I will teach him now.

I am very quick to brag about his skills because I am so proud.  He can now count to 10 easily and stumble through to 20 skipping a couple numbers.  He knows all of his upper case and lower case letters by sight and is learning the alphabet song and the phonetic sounds for each letters.  He knows as many shapes as I do, including the octagon and pentagon.  He saw a stop sign at the park and said "look, momma a orange octagon."  So yeah, he knows shapes but really struggles with colors.  I was worried he was color blind but he can match colors so I guess he just struggles with retaining the knowledge of the color names or something.  I don't know, we will just keep working on it and he will get it.

 I am not exactly sure how to proceed with his education because he has already surpassed my expectations but I will just follow his lead and learn right along with him.

Thursday, January 5, 2012


Too many things make me cry lately, but also always.  I have always been sensitive and I think that's okay but when you feel the sting of subtle snub like a full-out slap then the harsher assaults are almost unbearable.  This last month was one that hit me hard, in reality, which made it indescribable in my sensibilities.  I have not shared this with many people and I think that for some reason it was because I felt ashamed.  I shouldn't be I know but what can make you feel like a worse mother than miscarrying a baby?

It was so early.  I have said this to myself so many many times since December 4th.  That's when the whole process started.  I will myself to see the luck in the fact that it was so early.  It doesn't help much.  There was just so much possibility and the fact that I will never know what was to be, breaks me in to pieces.  I want to give that baby a name but I will settle for acknowledging that it existed.  The more I have thought about my shame the more I realized how unfair it is to deny that this person, that didn't even live long enough to consider the end of it's life a death, ever was.  Nothing about motherhood is rational.  It's all gut and raw bleeding emotion and that makes it hard to comfort myself.  I'm sad that I was not destined to further mother that child but I am proud that it was what it was and I will always remember it.

The loss of that baby has made me remember to love Silas more powerfully than I could have imagined.  I hope that I am meant to have another living breathing child because there is nothing like it but I am blessed beyond all measure with what I have been already given.  I thank God everyday that he chose me for Silas and Silas for me because there is no one that would have loved him more than I do and I loved our little baby that was not meant to be and will meet that little soul in heaven someday and know that I was right to be so proud of it.